There is absolutely nothing happening with the Chicago Bears right now. So let's talk about something else. And that something else...is skunks.
I don't like skunks. I never have. They scare the shit out of me. I don't like the IDEA of an animal that can spray you with stink. Stink is weird. Skunks are weird.
I'm not afraid of raccoons or possums...and they are basically stinkless skunks. Has anyone ever heard of a skunk biting someone? They just stink you. Those little fuckers...
And who was the guy who discovered the tomato juice thing? Did he try other juices first? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you have to bathe in tomato juice to eliminate skunk stink. I had to do it to my dog scooter once. It's funny but someone had to figure that out.
This is an animal who attacks you and makes you bathe in juice. Fuck that.
I don't care for skunks.
Anybody else sitting around these days wondering when we can start watching football again? The other sports all suck.
From the mid-80s until 2001, you couldn't find a bigger Yankees fan than myself. But when Mariano Rivera threw a bad ball into center field, it forced the Yankees into compiling a list of my least favorite players in the sport: Gary Sheffield, A-Rod, Johnny Damon, Randy Johnson...hell, I'll throw in Kyle Farnsworth.
I still watch just about every game but I'm forcing myself to have fun and I tend to have more fun watching the classic games on YES (I have seen the Aaron Booner home run game about ten times). All in all, baseball just sucks.
I watched more NBA games this year than ever before. You know what I learned? I don't like the NBA. The reason? Teams just tease you. Last night the CAVS went away and I'm sure the Clippers and Mavericks will lose tonight. Then the Spurs will beat the Suns and the Pistons will beat the Heat and we can have seven WONDERFUL games of 82-80 basketball.
What channel is it on?
I think it would be funny if I started watching every MLS game and then going to sports bars and trying to strike up conversations about Chivas Baltimore...or whatever the fuck the teams are called. Thank God we have the World Cup to somewhat ease us into football.
Soccer doesn't suck in Europe. Sucks in America.
I don't care what you people think, this is my second favorite sport. I like the athletes. I like the competition. I love the drama. I love the skill. I love the idea of a Sunday afternoon champion. If Phil Mickelson can win the US Open and take on Tiger on Sunday, we're looking at five great years of golf ahead.
Golf doesn't suck.
WOMEN'S BEACH VOLLEYBALL
This is actually on TV now...not as fun as you'd think.
Has there ever been a point in the history of the sport where the phrase Heavyweight Champion means less?
THE DRAMA DESK AWARDS WEBCAST
The Gay Olympics
Its on ABC in a week or two. Should be fun. I like it when kids fail.
I don't like competitions where the American public gets the final decision. You know...American Idol...voting...
SKATING WITH CELEBRITIES
Kristy Swanson is delicious
HORSES KILLED ON PAY-PER-VIEW
If they have to put down Barbaro, can I watch it for free since the fucker owes me 300 bucks...
Here is the question for today, kids...
WHO WILL AND SHOULD BE THE NUMBER TWO AND SLOT RECEIVERS FOR DA BEARS THIS YEAR? (those could be two separate questions)
Most of this is bullshit since the only people who report from Bears rookie camp are da Bears. Needless to say the Bears like their rookies and I gotta say - I might too.
Big Larr on ChicagoBears.com says J.D. is faster and more athletic than Matt Suhey (and that guy was the shit). With fullback being an essential part of the Ronny T offensive system, it'd be nice to a fullback with the ability to catch the ball and make something happen. Watch JD at the goalline.
The Bears were very impressed with his kick-catching. If he holds onto punts, he's a sever upgrade.
I get scared when the big report is that the guy's a "serious study" and that he "always has a notebook." I'm not big on intelligence in my football players, especially my defensive backs. I like speed and I like toughness. Does he have those?
The mantra is repeated and repeated: he's tough a shit. He's also a recovering alcoholic and I like the whole package. If he can adequately substitute into the line rotation (beside Tommie, Ian and Fonsy) he'll help this team immensely.
The Bears had great luck getting Alex Brown late and rumors are they may have done it again. I hope so becaue Michael Haynes has been horrible coming in as the third defensive end. (IS Michael Haynes still on the fucking team? What a terrible first round pick...) This is the guy I'm going to watch closely in camp to see how he battles the Bears real good offensive line.
The undrafted tight end from Oregon is supposedly making something of an impression on coaches. I happen to think that Des Clark can make plays with the ball in his hands (as does the loyal Max) but Day might give them a little more size in the middle of the field. I'm an old school guy. I want a Mark Bavarro not an Antonio Gates.
All in all, I'm sort of excited about the draft class and we'll know more when camp begins this summer. Anyone who has heard anything else, please let us know.
You might all remember that last season we were lucky enough to get ahold of some Jerry Angelo wiretaps and post the transcripts of said taps right here, for you, on DaBearsBlog.com. Well apparently Jerry doesn't hold a grudge and had willingly given us five minutes to speak with him.
DABEARSBLOG: Jerry, congrats on a great draft. Most teams have strange approaches to draft day but you really targeted a need for the Bears...defense.
JERRY ANGELO: Absolutely. We felt that once we demoted ten-game winner Kyle Orton to third string, we had essentially solved all of our offensive issues. We know you can't win championships with the second-ranked defense in the league. You HAVE to be first.
DBB: Some critics have suggested that you're drafting of Dusty D from Sooner-land will simply add another deviant to a roster full of them...
JA: I can't disagree more. Ricky Manning Jr. was not drunk at Denny's at three o'clock in the morning. People JUST GO to Denny's at that time to eat. It's a very normal time to go to Denny's. And let's remember that the person who was supposedly beaten unconscious WAS a nerd. Fuck nerds. Anyone who tells me that football players shouldn't be able to kick a little nerd ass now and then is just dead wrong.
DBB: Why no extension for Lovie Smith?
JA: No what?
DBB: No contract extension...
JA: Why would I do that?
DBB: Because he had a good year?
JA: Blow me.
DBB: Do you think we'll see something different this season from the Chicago Bears?
JA: If history is any precursor, more injuries and losing.
DBB: Quick three to finish. First, favorite draft pick you've made for Da Bears?
JA: Michael Haynes.
JA: Fuck you.
DBB: Favorite deal you've made?
JA: Trading Ted Washington to New England for a third round pick and no reason whatsoever. Gotta have a big dick to do that, right?
DBB: If you weren't the General Manager of our beloved football team, what would you be doing right?
JA: Henry Burris and I just bought a house in Provincetown. We summer there.
Thanks you Jerry Angelo for his time. And good luck to him and Da Bears.
Rumors out of Bears land (mostly from THEIR site) are saying that Airese Currie is running crisp, incredibly fast routes in their minicamp and that he's developing a great rapport with Dr. Grossman. If Currie can develop into a speed threat in the slot, the Bears offense will be light years better than it was a year ago.
The Thomas Jones trade talk is officially dead (I hope) and I think this draft proves it. For them to trade the only proven commodity on their offense while not taking a single substantial offensive talent in the draft would just be ludicrous. Look for Thomas Jones to not only make a tremendous impact in the backfield but I think Ronny Turner has to start seeking ways of lining him out wide and using both TJ and Cedric at the same time.
Anybody else look at the three quarterbacks the Bears will face in division this year? Jon Kitna (Detroit), Brad Johnson (Minnesota), Brett Favre (Green Bay). I know Favre's track record but we dominated him last year and he's a shell of himself. Are there two quarterbacks with less mobility than Kitna and Johnson. SO WHEN YOU ASK YOURSELF WHY WE TOOK DEFENSE IN THE DRAFT...the answer is to win the division again.
And to continue that thought, can we all (myself included) stop with the "we didn't need defense" bullshit. Here's some numbers for you:
319 YARDS PASSING
123 YARDS RUSHING
The Bears didn't miss a chance to play Seattle for a chance to win it all because of their lack of offense. They blown off the ball in January in their own house. They scored 21 points against a damn good defense in the playoffs.
If anyone out in Chicago has a feel for the pulse of the town, please let us know and we'll get you a guest post.
First, the Bears. There's no way of knowing if these guys are going to make an immediate impact. But I don't want to hear Jay Mariotti shouting about Chad Jackson and Santonio Holmes now. I don't want any more first round receivers. If these guys were top-notch talents, they aren't falling to 26 in the first place. Apparently we got a new fullback and Kiper thinks he'll start and if that makes the running game better, I'm all for it. Manning and Hester make the kick return game better? I hope so. Because it might have been our second biggest flaw a season ago.
The Bears also signed two decent undrafted tight ends. I like Day a lot. I would have liked Pope more.
Here are the drafts I liked:
I'm in love with two drafts this year and this is one of them. Sitting and ten and getting a quarterback built for that offense was just a great job. Then adding Lutui and Pope when I thought they'd be gone twenty picks earlier...good stuff, Denny Green. They'll still win 6 games.
NEW YORK JETS
I gotta say, I'm impressed. Young GM and very young coach and they didn't panic. They rebuilt the offensive line for the next ten years. They also got the QB they wanted later from Oregon. I like it, Jets, I like it a lot. No chance they win more than 5.
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Vernon Davis and Manny Lawson. That's enough. Great fucking draft. The pick I really like: Michael Robinson from Penn State. This guy could be Randel El-esque in his willingness to convert to receiver and returner and the talent is there.
Here are the drafts I hate:
No, you can't. No you can't. Absolutely not. Assholes. Raise your hand if you said the words MARIO and WILLIAMS together before, oh I don't know, two weeks ago.
GREEN BAY PACKERS
Fuck 'em. But did anyone else find themselves captivated by everything William Henderson had to say on the telecast.
When does football start?