Hypothetically Speaking.......

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 | Jeff

You're Big Ben Roethlisbergeskgklsjehjr.

You're the biggest celebrity in your home city, albeit your home city is Pittsburgh.

You've just won a Super Bowl in your second year in the NFL.

You're probably nailing every fat pollock in Pennsy.

So what do you do yesterday? Instead of sitting on your gigantic couch wih a couple of gorgeous chicks who'll probably blow you for the complete duration of the Japan/Australia match (which happens to be the first match of the World Cup I missed and, fucking of course, it was awesome)...you go for a cruise on your motorcycle. Helmet? Nah.

Yada, yada, yada...you've got no head.

Now let's talk about this a second. We know what happened to Jay Williams and Kellen Winslow. So did Ben. You know how we know Ben knows? Because he gave an interview to ESPN in 2005 about why he'd never give up riding his motorbike and how safe he is with it.

NEVERMIND that the Pittsburgh Steelers have invested millions of dollars and their future in the man.

NEVERMIND that the city of Pittsburgh lives and dies by what those twenty-two do on Sunday.

NEVERMIND that he became an instant local hero, complete with sandwiches and all.

Welcome to the age of the selfish athlete. Where's Joe Theismann today, I wonder? Big Joe was very quick to come out and destroy Ricky Williams, who chose maryjane over twenty-five carries. Where's the ESPN media? So quick to knock T.O. as unconcerned with anyone but himself? Where's everyone who knocked Kellen Winslow like he was the second coming of Hitler?

They're nowhere.

Because Big Ben is nice.

And white.

And harmless.

And he's hurt. But he'll be okay. The Steelers. Rooney. The city. Will not. I don't care what Bill Cowher says publicly this week. He's thinking this:

WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE. SERIOUSLY. WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

And he's right. Because Benjamin was not just responsible for his own well-being but responsible to make good on the Steelers contract and for the other 52 on the that roster.

If he was the Chicago Bears quarterback...

Today...

This website would be filled with my concern but you wouldn't need to be Captain Subtext to feel my rage.

You don't move to London without an umbrella.

You don't fuck a Asian hooker without a condom.

You don't ride a motorcycle without a helmet.

Not when you're Big Ben. Not when a city depends on you.

I hope he ends up okay. I wish had the Steelers on our schedule THIS year.