I'll meet ya'll back here tomorrow night at 4 and fucking 0.
Holla!
7-5-2 on the picks last week putting me at 27-17-2 for the year. I'll take ten over .500 for now but the goal is to get 50 over by the end of the year.
On to the shit...
DA BEARS -3.5 OVER SEATTLE
Why I like the Chicago Bears this week:
1. I always like the Chicago Bears.
2. I don't see the Seahawks successfully operating in three and four wide sets with the Bears defensive front's ability to get pressure.
3. You heard it here first: the Bears running game emerges Sunday night and Cedric Benson may very well get into the endzone.
4. Grossman is going 21-29, 301 yards and 2 TDs.
ARIZONA +7 OVER ATLANTA
If you're ranking the biggest pussies in the NFL, John Abraham is really close to the top.
BALTIMORE +2.5 OVER SAN DIEGO
Bold Prediction: Ray Lewis literally murders Philip Rivers in the third quarter.
BUFFALO -1 OVER MINNESOTA
Dick Jauron will do what he did for five years: find a way to fuck me.
CAROLINA -7.5 OVER NEW ORLEANS
I got you, Vegas. You know John Q. Gambler hasn't seen Carolina play. You know he HAS seen the Saints play once and play well. Set the line high, get the "that's too high" reaction. Not here, asshole. Not here.
HOUSTON +4 OVER MIAMI
Nevermind Reggie Bush...there's about three dozen players the Texans would rather have drafted this year.
SAN FRANCISCO +7 OVER KANSAS CITY
When in doubt, pick the city that has a larger homosexual population.
INDIANAPOLIS -9 OVER NEW YORK JETS
Reggie Wayne is back a week after his brother's death. Tony Dungy returned a week after his son's death. Colts players and coaches just don't love their families.
TENNESSEE +9.5 OVER DALLAS
Kerry Collins gets drunk, drops a couple N-bombs on TO and sends him back to the noose. Too soon?
DETROIT +5.5 OVER ST. LOUIS
I'm pretty sure both these teams suck.
CINCINNATI -6 OVER NEW ENGLAND
Cincy by 20. I got a feeling.
CLEVELAND -2.5 OVER OAKLAND
Answer this. What has to be going on in your life for you to say, "I'm going to sit in front of my television and watch the Browns play the Raiders."
WASHINGTON +2.5 OVER JACKSONVILLE
Tell you one thing: it's going to be fucking boring.
GREEN BAY +11 OVER PHILADELPHIA
I'm going to bet the Packers a lot this year because they're going to hang around with these big spreads.
Hughes, out.
Rex Grossman was named NFC Offensive Player of the month today.
He is the first Bears offensive player to be named to the award since Neal Anderson in 1989.
Every seventeen years, boys, every seventeen years.
Also, if you get a chance, check out Inside the NFL this week. They show the highlights of Bears/Vikings with commentary from eREXion, Moose, Dez and Tommie from the interception thru the Rash TD catch. Pretty cool, actually.
"I remember when rock was young. Me and Suzie had so much fun." -Bernie Taupin
He became a Chicago Bear in the Soldier Field endzone on December 14th 2004. Daunte Culpepper threw what he'd thrown a million times - a ball in the direction of Randy Moss. And there was the kid from Louisiana-Lafayette, who'd had the terrific rookie season just a year earlier, wrestling the ball away and sealing a Bears victory. This play not only made him immortal in my eyes, it seemed to have symbolically ended the Culpepper/Moss dream and ushered in a new era in the NFC North.
Then comes Detroit in 2005. A bad Jeff Garcia throw in overtime, a Peanut TD, Defensive Player of the Week. So...what the fuck happened?
No, seriously, what happened? Because since then, he's just sucked. He's become the football equivalent of an only child. The parents hear the crash in the living room, they know who did it. Flag for unnecessary roughness? Flag for pass interference? Guess who? He falls down (literally) on big plays and collapses (mentally) on just about every other. Yes he had five interceptions a year ago but that is more a testament to opposing offenses refusing to throw in anyone else's direction. It's a near-meaningless stat, like a lot of football stats. Kyle Orton had 10 wins last year, remember? Stats aren't for football.
I write this today because Sunday night, in Primetime, the Chicago Bears need the Peanut from December 14th 2004. They need him because in the absence of a sustained running game, the Hawks are going to bring three and four receiver sets. Nut is going to be face-to-face with Deion Branch...with Nate Burleson. This is the sort of game that defines a season, especially with four winnable games following (home Buffalo, at Cardinals, home Niners, home Dolphins). A win Sunday night and the Bears could be staring down the barrel of 8-0.
But I'm putting the game on Charles Tillman. Yes, that's what I'm doing. One game, Nut. One game and I'll buy your jersey. One game and I'll write you sonnets.
One game, Nut, one game. Because I'm telling you right now...Mike Holmgren watches film. He's seen you run around like a moron out there. Right now he's eating his third large sandwich for lunch and saying, "This Tillman guy sucks." Right now, I agree.
You get one game. Don't suck anymore.
His name is Tommie. And make no mistake about it...he's the best player on the Chicago Bears.
There's a lot of performers we could talk about from yesterday. Mark Anderson continues to make an impact each and every time he hits the field. Moose caught everything. Robbie Gould's 49 yard field goal might have been the biggest play of the game.
We could even talk about Ron Turner, the offensive coordinator finding creative ways to cover for a non-existent running game.
We've talked about Rex Grossman enough. And we know about the middle linebacker.
Tommie Harris is the best player on the Chicago Bears. Because yesterday when the game was on the line, he exploited the best guard in football. Yesterday when the game was on the line, he put his hand on the football. Tommie said, "Here, Rex. Don't fuck up."
And Rex didn't fuck up. He answered the call of his All-Pro defensive tackle. I was resigned from my barstool to lose yesterday's game. Then Tommie ran over Steve Hutchinson and gave us back hope.
That's the sorta thing your best player does.
We'll talk about it as the week goes on but this is a big win for the Bears.
3-0.
And we're rolling.
We've been getting a lot of requests so I'm reaching out now, kiddies.
First, the Vikings suck.
Second, everyone Comment with your favorite Bears bar from wherever you are. We're going to compile them and make something and send it out. I haven't worked out the details yet...
Third, Brad Johnson diddles small boys.
First off, check out Max's post from earlier today on Danieal Manning's promotion. Second, BEARSLAND continues to grow at Josie Wood's Pub on Waverly in the East Village. New York Bears fans unite! 9-7 last week (not pleased) but now 20-12 on the season.
BEARS -3 OVER MINNESOTA
Why do I like the Bears this week?
1. I always like the Bears
2. I love the message demoting Chris Harris sends...this defense can get better.
3. Tommie Harris is unblockable right now. Doesn't matter who lines up next to him (Anderson, Tank, Fonsy...) he's been willing them to make plays.
4. Charles Tillman will get caught in traffic on the way to the Metrodome.
5. I know a chick who thinks the Vikings are going to win. Chicks don't know anything.
SEATTLE -3.5 OVER NEW YORK GIANTS
Sam Madison is about as effective a cover corner right now as me and I just ate a bag of M&M peanuts.
NEW YORK JETS +5.5 OVER BUFFALO
Mangina might be a pretty good coach. Dick Jauron is a worthless pile of pig shit.
CINCINNATI +2 over PITTSBURGH
Everyone should stop telling me how good the Monday night Jax/Pitt game was. If you love watching receivers getting overthrown for three hours, yeah, it was awesome.
INDIANAPOLIS -7 OVER JACKSONVILLE
Cut that meat!
MIAMI -11 OVER TENNESSEE
This is a Vegas Knows Something I Don't game. Both of these teams are 0-2 and neither has played a good game yet. Non-betters are calling me and saying things like, "The line is too high! You gotta take the Titans." Fuck that, Vegas, I'm no fool.
HOUSTON +4 OVER WASHINGTON
This game should come with a tub full of hot water and a plugged-in toaster.
CAROLINA -3 OVER TAMPA BAY
One of these teams is going to be three games out of first place after three games. The other is on massive amounts of steroids.
GREEN BAY +7 OVER DETROIT
If Im Brett Favre, I take my own life...just saying...that's what I'd do.
BALTIMORE -6.5 OVER CLEVELAND
The Browns are about as much fun to watch as Jewel's teeth.
ST. LOUIS +4.5 OVER ARIZONA
The NFC West should be demoted to college ranks and Ohio State and USC should be brought up.
PHILADELPHIA -6 OVER SAN FRANCISCO
Donte Stallworth has a women's private parts.
DENVER +7 OVER NEW ENGLAND
You know who sucks? The Red Sox.
ATLANTA -3.5 OVER NEW ORLEANS
But I'm rooting like hell for the Saints.
Danieal Manning has been named starter this week at free saftey over Chris Harris. I like this move. At first I was a little shaky, like the old saying goes "If it's not broken, don't fix it". But then last year I disagreed with the benching of Mike Green in favor of Harris and i was 100% wrong on that one. And Manning has shown alot of good stuff when he has gotten in, a pick and hes broken up some passes, while Harris seems like he is just trying to do to much.
We should get a good idea on how Manning will be these next 2 weeks with 2 quality opponents in the Vikings and Seahawks. Both teams are commited to the run which is where i think Manning needs the most work.
Side note: Sportscenter did a piece on Rex this evening. I can't remember Sportscenter focusing a piece on any member of the Bears offense other than Olin's ass kicking of Fred Miller last year. I havent stopped grinning for the past 3 hours. Oh why can't it be Sunday yet?
Rex Grossman is the highest rated quarterback in the National Football League. I'd like to thank him and I believe all of our readers should use this space to say a few words to Rex.
Please do so.
I get it. At least I think I get it. And I'm feeling it this morning. Don't get me wrong, yesterday was something else. But I don't fucking need Monday thru Saturday this week.
I'm over Roy "I have a vagina" Williams and the Detroit Lions. The Bears are good and we all know that now. But let's look at what the next three weeks have to offer...
Sunday September 24th at the 2-0 Minnesota Vikings. The Bears need to go out and make a point on the road: this is our division. Dominate on the defensive line and win the fucking football game.
Sunday October 1st versus the Seattle Seahawks (in primetime). A win the week previous would establish this as a battle between the best teams in the conference.
Sunday October 8th versus the Buffalo Bills. Dick Jauron returns to Chicago.
These three game define the season. They define the character of the goddamn football team. It is Monday morning and I don't care about anything in the world except these Chicago Bears.
There is no cynicism right now.
There is no sadness.
There is a quarterback named Grossman who played today like I always dreamed a Bears quarterback would play.
There is a set of receivers that threaten defenses.
There is a defense that makes me sad to see them give up a single point.
There is a team. A really fucking good team. That plays as good as anyone in the game on ALL THREE sides of the ball.
There is the 2006 Chicago Bears.
There is a smile on my face.
Until we stomp on the faces of Shaun Rodgers, Jon Kitna and crew.
Post whatever you want in the comments.
Possible topics include:
1. How you hate Jerry Angelo
2. How badly Mike Brown will injure Roy Williams
3. Anything else you want to talk about
Bear Down!
DEFENSE:
This was the first shut out of Favre's 16 year career and the first time the Pack have been shutout in 233 games going back to October of 1991.
It was the Bears first shutout since beating Detroit 24-0 on Dec 30, 2001 a span of 66 games.
It is tied for the second largest shutout score by the visiting team at Lambeau.
Green Bay was just 1-for-11 in third-down conversions.
Green Bay made it to Bears' territory twice in the first half and never got past the 20.
OFFENSE:
The Bears have scored more than 26 points only 4 times in the last three years.
The 361 offensive yards is the best offensive yardage output since Sept 26, 2004 (a period of 30 games) which was the game against the Vikings where Rex destroyed his knee.
It is also the first time they have opened the season with a victory on the road since Sept 19, 1970.
Grossman: 3-0 at Lambeau with an 18-of-26 for 262 yards 1 TD 1 INT performance
163 of those yards came in the first quarter and that amount is more than the Bears' full four quarter passing yardage in 13 games last season.
Moose: 102 yards receiving. His first century with the Bears. More importantly: 0 drops!
SPECIAL TEAMS:
There were no Bear punts in the first half. (Full disclosure: One drive ended in an INT)
With Devin Hester's TD return, the Bears have three punt returns for scores in three years most in the NFL. .
I went a very nice 11-5 last week. You folks will all learn to bet with me soon enough and not that hack Simmons at ESPN who went COUGH COUGH 7-9.
CHICAGO -9 OVER DETROIT
I'm pretty sure the Daily News has this line larger than anybody else but here's why I like the Bears this week:
1. I like the Bears every week.
2. I think Rex is going to be a pretty darn good play action QB and this should open up McKie and Clark in the flat for some big first downs.
3. I don't believe the Lions can score touchdowns on this defense on the road.
4. The line is way too big and I'm invoking the Vegas Knows Something I Don't clause.
EAGLES -3 OVER GIANTS
I don't know why I hate Eli Manning so much. Maybe it's because I think he's an asshole.
PATRIOTS -6 OVER JETS
Don't be fooled. The Jets sucks.
RAIDERS +12 OVER RAVENS
Tell me you can't see a late touchdown pass to Moss to cover the spread.
COLTS -13 OVER TEXANS
I just can't pick a team that makes Dante Stallworth look like Jerry Rice.
BROWNS +10 OVER BENGALS
No reason at all. I like Romeo.
DOLPHINS -6 OVER BILLS
Gambling rule #1: Dick Jauron is a vagina.
PANTHERS -1.5 OVER VIKINGS
I'll be honest, i'm just rooting against the Vikes here.
FALCONS -5.5 OVER BUCS
Don't call the Simms' a laissez-faire family. After Simms shat all over the field Sunday, his father raped him. Take that, Steve Young!
SAINTS -2 OVER PACKERS
Listen...they won for a long time. But after Sunday, those cheese dicks are going to be pretty upset.
ST. LOUIS -3 OVER SAN FRANCISCO
I want to pick the Niners...I should, shouldn't I? nah.
SEAHAWKS -7 OVER CARDINALS
CHARGERS -11 OVER TITANS
CHIEFS +10.5 BRONCOS
COWBOYS -6 OVER REDSKINS
STEELERS -1.5 OVER JAGUARS
I won't be posting tomorrow. See everyone here Sunday night at 2 and fucking 0.
Mike Brown vs. Roy Williams
Williams is talking a big game, but can he back it up? First pass thrown his way over the middle, Brown is going to level him. Advantage Brown (I would say the key matchup would be Williams vs. one of our DB’s but as we play left and right DB’s and not match ups. . . it could be any one of them.)
Note: Harris is questionable for this week and that puts Manning in the starters spot. He has a lot of talent but he is still a rookie.
Olin Kruetz vs. Shaun Rodgers
Or just our O-line against the Lions D line. It should be a good match up. I will give the Lions credit, this is a good line with Rodgers and Cody in the middle and James Hall coming off the right end. And the way our run game looked last week, this match up makes me nervous. . . but in Kruetz I trust.
Devin Hester vs. Lions special teams
I do not know a lot about the special teams, but I know what Devin Hester is capable of.
Advantage Hester.
What else should we be watching for on Sunday?
Lions at Bears.
It has that feeling again. That feeling I can only imagine it had way back when the Lions were a tough club. Before Wayne Fontes cried all over the Silverdome. Before Barry left. Before Marty M decided to take the wind in overtime. Before Joey Harrington.
There's a dogfight coming Sunday and the Bears MUST win. The game is in our house. This is our division. A win sinks the Lions into a two game hole in the division before they've had a chance to hit the snooze button.
It took till Wednesday but I'm over the Packer win now. I hope these Bears are too. 26-0 becomes a memory if they lose on Sunday. So don't lose. Do what you always do when you play the Lions...kick the shit out of their quarterback.
And I think they should shut the fuck up. They can only beat themselves? They are the Detroit Lions. They've done nothing but lose since Barry Sanders went on safari.
I'm calling it now:
Bears 119
Lions 6
I walked from the corner of 18th and Avenue C all the way to 45th Street and 9th Avenue this morning. I wore #54. I felt like that this morning. I got two high fives along the way. One guy yelled, "Best linebacker in the game!"
The other guy, quietly, resigned, dignified: "We're back, baby."
And make no mistake about it. We're back. But today I'm not going to write about how terrific Grossman and Moose were. How a gutty Charles Tillman hung in there throw after throw. How Ron Turner called the game of his life. How Robbie Gould has become automatic. How fun shutouts are.
Today is about Jerry Angelo. Because yesterday was about Danieal Manning, Mark Anderson and Devin Hester. Manning is going to become an absolute star and could have had two Favre picks. Anderson made the most of his time in the D-line rotation and was flat-out unblockable. Hester went 84...and iced it.
I've killed Jerry and I'm sure I'll kill him again. Yesterday he shoved my criticism right up my fucking ass.
And you know what? I liked it.
There ya go, kids.
26-0.
Welcome to 2006.
Tomorrow the 2006 football season for your Chicago Bears will begin on the hallowed grounds of Lambeau Field. Tomorrow Rex Grossman ceases to be a hypothetical. Tomorrow Charles Tillman stays on his feet. Why?
Because this is a damn good football team, that's why. This is the finest football team we've had since Da Coach stopped roaming Da Sidelines. It took over a decade to clean up the pile of shit Dave Wannstedt left at Halas Hall, but it's clean now. Ask Barnum. Ask Bailey. When an elephant takes a shit...
Tomorrow they show us how good they are and we don't have to talk about the "golden days" of Erik Kramer. We don't have to talk about mortgaging the future for Rick Mirer, starting Henry Burris in primetime or Jim Miller trying to make tackles in the playoffs.
Tomorrow is tomorrow. It is football season. And there is no football without the Chicago Bears. We started it and this year we're going to finish it. We're going to hit the shit out of every team on every field and when they close the book on the 2006 season, they're going to bind it in navy blue and orange.
I'll meet you all right here tomorrow evening at 1-0.
Jason Whitlock today:
This Sunday, Lovie Smith should take a long look at Favre and decide what he's willing to offer the Packers in exchange for the NFL legend right now.
Mike Francesca on the radio two days ago:
I hear the only team that might make a move for Favre is the Bears.
Dear Jerry Angelo,
IF YOU DO THIS. I WILL FIND YOU. I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. AND YOU WILL NOT BE PLEASED WITH THE THINGS I DO TO YOU.
With love,
Jeff
My picks.
CHICAGO (-4.5) OVER GREEN BAY
I think the Bears win this game. I think Rex Grossman throws two touchdown passes. I think Brett Favre throws one and tacks on three interceptions to go with it - one of which is returned for a touchdown by Mike Brown. Bears 24. Packers 13.
MIAMI (pk) over PITTSBURGH
DENVER (-3.5) OVER ST. LOUIS
TENNESSEE (-2.5) OVER NEW YORK JETS
BUFFALO (+10) OVER NEW ENGLAND
BALTIMORE (+3) OVER TAMPA BAY
CINCINNATI (+1) OVER KANSAS CITY
SEATTLE (-7) OVER DETROIT
ATLANTA (+5) OVER CAROLINA
PHILADELPHIA (-6) OVER HOUSTON
NEW ORLEANS (+3) OVER CLEVELAND
DALLAS (+1.5) OVER JACKSONVILLE
SAN FRANCISCO (+7.5) OVER ARIZONA
INDIANAPOLIS (-3.5) OVER NEW YORK GIANTS
MINNESOTA (+4) OVER WASHINGTON
SAN DIEGO (-3) OVER OAKLAND
I think I'm afraid. Scratch that, I know I'm afraid. I'm afraid because the Packers are dead and I can see it...
First drive of the game.
3rd and 4.
Favre drops backs.
Throws...one of those throws we've seen a million times and re-played in our tortured hearts. It soars over the heads of our safeties as Charles Tillman lies on the ground, having fallen twice on the play.
Donald Driver. 76 yards. Touchdown.
And he's reborn. And another 7-9 flies into our windows and molests our children. And I step from my bar stool, walk to the back of Josie Woods and throw darts like I'm aiming at #4. But I can't hit him.
Or it could go well, right?
Win. Win. Win.
Since we're now staring week one and specifically the Packers in the face (6 days). I figured I'd invite any New Yorkers down to the bar Jeff and I frequent on game day:
Josie Woods
11 Waverly Place
New York, NY
It's got everything a Bears fan could want: Pool tables, beer, cheap wings and the Chicago Bears on the biggest TV in the place no matter how bad they play. Best of all, Packer fans tend to be in short supply.
Anyway, if anyone wants to give a shout out to their local watering hole, now's the time. If you're a Bears fan in New York City, come on down this Sunday or any sunday.
Go Bears! Fuck Brett Favre!
Unfortunately I have nothing to add to the title. I miss you, 87. I miss you more than any man should miss another.
As for the final cutdown...
I really don't think the receiver situation is settled yet. Moose, "Weekend at" Bernie Berrian, Mark Bradley and "I should see a doctor about this" Rash Davis are good to go. Justin Gage and Airese Currie are on shaky ground. Jerry Angelo has been quoted in every single column about every single available wide receiver on the market.
Hey Michael Haynes...stop talking. I don't need to read your comments about how the Bears done treat you wrong. You are not good at tackling people on a football field.
DHess is going to be a monster returning punts. Nice draft pick, Jerry.
I will make this bold call right now: Desmond Clark will lead the Bears in touchdown catches this season with 7.
If you're going to Green Bay this week, DaBearsBlog has an offer for you. Every person you beat the shit out of that has one of those cheese hunks on their head will get you a thousand bucks a pop.
Tom Waddle. Out.
Here's the analogy:
You've got your favorite bar. It's simple. Lots of wood. Friendly bartenders and PBR cans for under two bucks. There's even a pool table. It could be a bar in any town in the world but it's not. It's in your town. And you love it.
You go on vacation and when you come back, it has changed into an uber-trendy shit storm of a joint full of assholes in black frame glasses and ironic t-shirts.
Got it?
Now go to ChicagoBears.com.
And by the way, tits and balls, it's mother fucking Packer Week.
I Sexually Assault Week Four
(12 comments)
eREXion: Volume 2
(5 comments)
The Rise And Fall of Charles "Peanut" Tillman
(24 comments)
2009: May April March February January
2008: December November October September August July June May April March February January
2007: December November October September August July June May April March February January
2006: December November October September August July June May April March February January