A very old man walks into a South Side bar at 1:41 in the morning. The bartender, a stocky man in his late fifties, looks up from the monotony of wiping the recently spilled vodka and club off the oak bar and gruffly says, “We’re closing in a few minutes.�
“I only came in for one drink,� says the old man. “I thought this might be my final drink�
“There’s always tomorrow,� the bartender offers, engrossed by the use of the word final.
“Not for me, sir.�
“Why is that?�
“You see I got this terrific relationship with the Lord Almighty. Jesus. He and I are like those old vaudeville teams used to play the theatres down on West Madison. I do the songs. Jesus does the jokes.�
“You and Jesus have a vaudeville act?�
“I’m just a drunk, you see? Other than a couple bucks for a fresh glass of beer I never had need for nothing. I never asked the Lord for nothing in my life till now.�
“What did you ask for?�
“Excuse me?�
“What did you ask for from the Lord?�
“I was born in 1911. Saw the Bears win their first championship in 1921. Saw them win in ’32 and ’33. I was in Griffith Stadium in the nation's capital to see them beat the Redskins 73-0 in 1940. I was there!�
“Okay.�
“Well I asked the Lord, I said LORD…give me one more... Give me one more chance to look at the television set and say We did it, we’re the champions of the world. If you give me that, Lord I said I’ll walk into the pub tonight and when I walk out I’ll never take another drink."
“What’d he say?�
“He said if the Bears win Sunday, drinks are on Him.�
“God’s a Bears fan?�
“No.�
He drinks from the freshly poured pint.
“He just hates the fucking Packers.�
(Please continue talking below. Ignore me.)
#2 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .How is Ditka not a Bears fan?
January 31, 2007
#3 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .I hate the packers too but I would have to argue the Lord probably isn't a consumer of pale ale.
January 31, 2007
#4 District Selectman said . . .Has everyone heard the Jim McMahon sound bite? Pisses me off.
January 31, 2007
#5 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .BTW, I'm not panning that. You are a hell of a writer, Jeff, and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the Diary, and of course the whole season's offerings.
I have not heard the punky SB. Last thing I saw from McMahon, he was mowing his lawn in a banana hammock and talking about how he had a daughter. That confused the shit out of me -- is that incomparably awesome, or has one flown over the Bear's den?
January 31, 2007
#6 mw said . . .Reporter asks McMahon if he'll be watching the game.
He responds he doesn't watch football, he quit watching football when he walked off the field. Just sounded like an ass.January 31, 2007
#7 BRIANsong said . . .Of course God hates the Packers. Took me a while to work through your comment District, but I got there eventually - lol. (undercaffeinated this morning). Also working my way toward a prediction - which will be revealed in part 2 of my Dickensonian post "Da Bears Song in prose.". But I think you can figure the direction I'm heading. I am confident the third spirit will also reveal the exact score.
January 31, 2007
#8 jeff said . . .You know what's taking me a long time to conceptualize? The idea of sitting in front of my television and watching the Bears play for a championship.
January 31, 2007
#9 Megan said . . .i tried to write a story that sorta captured the weight of this...it ain't easy to do in an evening...but i am totally losing it.
January 31, 2007
#10 District Selectman said . . .Packers? Who are the Packers? Do they even exist right now? NO!
Wore my Bears garb to work today, Colts fans are everywhere. I'm in need of cyber-protection, anybody got any to spare?
January 31, 2007
#11 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .Sorry, I'm undercaffeinated, too. Makes me more obtuse than usual. I enjoyed Stave 1 immensely. Let us know when the next installment is up.
January 31, 2007
#12 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .Megan- where are you surrounded by Colts fans?
I'm sporting the dark navy sweater and orange Mardi Gras beads that I could probably get a buzz from if I sucked on them. Hating life in Indy is taking on a whole new meaning when the UPS guy won't talk to me because of my attire.
SERENITY NOW! BEAR DOWN!
January 31, 2007
#13 jeff said . . .Jeff- are you trying to imply that we should make a deal with God?
Bears win the Superbowl and we give up alcohol forever? Yikes.January 31, 2007
#14 Bill said . . .i've made my pact. but booze isn't involved.
January 31, 2007
#15 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .Briansong - I know what you mean; watching the local sports shows are kind of unreal, seeing them reporting from the SuperBowl and realizing it's the Bears and not some other team they are talking about.
I vididly remember the 85 season (and even vaguely remember the 63 season) but this one was somewhat unexpected given pasqt playoff disappointments. So I prmised myself as it became clear they were going to win the NFC (I was there - and it was better than the Rams game in the 85 season) that I'd enjoy this no matter what. I'm just in my 50s, but it may be the last one I ever see.
January 31, 2007
#16 my own delusion said . . .(Whew) Not with mine either.
January 31, 2007
#17 District Selectman said . . .Anybody know where to get fresh goat's blood? Hey, a pentagram is just a five-point star...
Bear dowwwnnnnn...
Now where did I put that damn chicken and P Manning voodoo doll??
little more rum...some for me, some into the fire
January 31, 2007
#18 Logic said . . .MOD, halal butcher. Trust me on this one.......
January 31, 2007
#19 my own delusion said . . .Game will not be decided by arms but rather two sets of legs.....one that can carry you coast to coast....and one that can carry huge amounts of weight short distances
January 31, 2007
#20 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .thanks DS. Not zure if Kosher will have the right effect...have to check in Necronomicon on that
makin' a pact an checkin' it twice those Bears ain't gonna be nice when those colts come to town...hmm, hmmm, hmmm
January 31, 2007
#21 Dicky Dunn said . . .Game will be decided by one leg and 5 toes.
Gould will be golden.January 31, 2007
#22 Phil from SATX said . . .I tried to capture the spirit of the thing
January 31, 2007
#23 Pissed off said . . .Nicole, love you but you're way off. Don't forget Pat's dream/prophecy -- 44-0. Gould will have the pleasure of adding to his gaudy point total but it will not come down to him - he's just going to give us confidence early like he did in the Saints game. Bill, don't fret, this will not be the last one unless you go wrong side of the grass within the next 12 months. And please don't. Dese Bears are about to go on a dynastic run. The old days are over, long live Virginia who had the smarts and guts to fire her son and hire Ted Phillips and so on. Nothing but sunny skies for the Bears from here on out. Let's just promise never to get jaded like Patriots fans after we've won another 3 of these things. GO BEARS!
January 31, 2007
#24 Pissed off said . . .On this religious topic I just want to say that I pray for the Bears, among other things of course, every Sunday at mass. Hopefully this will help all of us. I just cant imagine if we win....it will be surreal!
January 31, 2007
#25 Megan said . . .By the way Nicole, are you going naked on Friday.....whats the official tally? (fingers crossed)
January 31, 2007
#26 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .Nicole, I am in the 'Nati, the Queen City, aka Cincinnati...
January 31, 2007
#27 District Selectman said . . .Mr. Pissed: Since we're ignoring Stupid Dave, here's the unofficial tally:
4 votes layers
4 votes nude
1 vote for lovin silly ol' meI've got on my orange beads in abundance. Just got asked at the Post Office "Why are you wearing beads?"
My response: It's gunna be buck wild. GO BEARS!
January 31, 2007
#28 Pissed off said . . .PO'ed, a churchgoer? Every day brings a new revelation.
January 31, 2007
#29 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .So its really 5 votes for nude, 4 for layers cuz when the District replied yesterday that its a silly question he really meant, its silly cuz obviously he wants you to go nude.
While this is a great topic we all know nothing will come to fruition since you'd be crazy to go around town naked and then you would end up in jail and miss the Super Bowl. But if you want to post the body paint pic here, from the comfort of your home, and I speak for all men......feel free to do so. But otherwise we should start focusing more on beating the colts than seeing hard painted nipples.
I've heard some national talk that if the Bears win, Rex will have a good shot at being MVP, while I'd love to see that I dont care who gets it, Just WIN BABY!
January 31, 2007
#30 Pissed off said . . .Megan- I can practically hug you we're so close.! At least your city has orange in it. Damn this blue all over the place! The mail lady wearing her stocking hat, flags on the cars, newsanchor people 'cleverly' coordinating a blue blazer and tie, women with horseshoes painted on their fingernails, aggghhhh I can't take it! Get me to Chicago pronto!
Mr. Pissed better go to an additonal church service/mass/prayer meeting for all of our sakes.January 31, 2007
#31 Pissed off said . . .Hey district, I'm only rough on the outside, and when it comes to football. Make no mistake about it I will still spit in the drink of a colts fan, or really a fan of any other team..... but God forgives me even if I'm vulgar.
January 31, 2007
#32 Nicole living in hell (blue city) cannot wait to come home to Orange said . . .I figure the swearing, trash talking, etc coupled with mass once a week makes it a push.
January 31, 2007
#33 mw said . . .You're right PO- I can't risk not seeing the game. I'm still waiting to find out if I'm going with my boss to Miami so if I'm there, I'll hold a sign with some catchy CBS slogan to get on tv.
How about:
Chicago
Bears
Superbowl Champs!
Props and kudos will also go on the sign to my bearsfam @DABEARSBLOGJanuary 31, 2007
Glad to hear that PO'd is praying for the Bears. This does beg the Question:
Who would Jesus bet on?
And would he take the points or just go straight up on the Bears?
February 1, 2007
Here at DaBearsBlog, you are free to kill us or the Bears as you so wish. You are not free, however, to be an asshole. So if you spew racism or ill-meaning foul language (cursing about football is just fine) or anything of that ilk, your comments ain't gonna last long, jerk.