You have to hand it to the Chicago Sun-Times. They actually get a little bit worse every week. Woodward and Bernstein who? Those guys have nothing on Mr. Steve Patterson.
In a piece brilliantly titled Stay in jail not healthy for Tank, Patterson has discovered that a man over 300 pounds and serving a jail sentence actually ate unhealthy food while there. How many staffers were lost to dig up this information?
Steve Patterson, come on down! You're the next contestant on NO SHIT! But did you see what the man ate? 162 beef sticks!!! Sweet rolls and summer sausages and barbeque chips (OH MY!).
The man was in jail. I eat 162 beef sticks when I can't nail the ending of a first act. I eat 35 packs of barbeque chips every time Rex Grossman throws an interception (putting my total barbeque chip intake over 10 million for last year). I think it's very important for the Sun-Times to condemn a man's eating habits during the most difficult period of life he's ever going to face. I think it's also important for the Sun-Times to make these sorts of tidbits public knowledge...because we all DESERVE TO KNOW what Tank ate in jail.
The truth of the matter is that the Chicago Sun-Times - with Marrioti at the forefront - have led a charge to have Tank Johnson removed from this organization since day one. This article is an attempt by a shit rag of a newspaper to blight what was a sentence served with dignity and without incident. HoneybunGate (which already showed on ESPN's pointless NFL Live program last night) should be dead by the weekend. I wish I could same the same for this newspaper.
If you're bored and you want to let Mr. Patterson know what you think of his incisive and comprehensive reporting, feel free to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Last season, you might remember, the District Selectman wrote our Sunday night columns each week and did a really brilliant job. The reason for this? I tend to drink a little on game day and usually can't quite see the letters on the keyboard until sometime during Cold Pizza the next morning (I know they changed the name but it'll always be Cold Pizza to me). This season we'd like to continue the tradition by announcing a THREE MAN ROTATION of guest bloggers. The reason for three is that the District realized that making a commitment to every Sunday night is difficult. Having three guys ready should only make the site stronger.
If our friends Pissed Off, Midway Monster and JB will accept the gig...welcome aboard. We have a lot of loyal readers but these guys have become year-round contributors and it only seems fitting to see their thoughts come Sunday nights this fall.
Everyone have a nice holiday weekend. With training camp only weeks away, things are about to heat up around here.
Just because I don't want to respond to any more emails: DONOVAN MCNABB WILL NOT BE A CHICAGO BEAR. So Bears receivers can rest assure - they will not have balls thrown at their ankles in 2007. Instead they can continue to enjoy seeing those balls thrown to the opposition.
The McNabb to the Chicago Bears rumor started in a column by Don McKee of the Philadelphia Inquirer who is basically doing his best impression of a caller to the Mike & the Mad Dog show. "Uhhh yeah, Dawg...how about we trade Giambi and Pavano for someone like, I don't know, Ray Halloway." (That was on purpose folks.) McKee's proposition, while interesting, has about as much merit as my opinions on astro physics.
In case Jerry & Co. are sitting in Halas Hall pondering this move, I'd like to formally ask that they stop.
Addendum: If you haven't seen David Fleming's ESPN column on coaching in the NFL, please read it. It is some of the best sportswriting of this year. Other than that, have a happy Memorial Day. In Jersey...it's better than Christmas.
Lance Briggs wants a contract extension and out of the shadow of Brian Urlacher. Alex Brown wants to be traded from the defensive end rotation Lovie Smith rode to a Super Bowl appearance last season.
Then there's Desmond Clark. Clark was a mid-season injury away from being a sure-thing Pro Bowler. As a receiving threat, he was steady and reliable. As a blocker, he was a revelation and I've contested nobody blocked better from the position in the NFL last year. Now the Bears have gone out and spent a first-round pick on someone that plays his position. Does Clark want out?
I think weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to complement each other well because weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve got special skills that complement each other. So I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t really look at us as adversaries. I look at it as two components of this offense that are going to help this offense become more potent...HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s got better straight-ahead speed than I have. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s something the tight end position could use. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to complement this whole offense with. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve got my abilities to work the middle and run-block and the play-action stuff.
I'm now going to climb atop my unicorn and ride to the end of the nearest rainbow: The Des Dispenser just put the TE in team. Des' comments won't get the press because they're not juicy. They aren't meant to stir the pot. He's proven again how valuable a commodity he is both on and off the field. The absence of Thomas Jones means the absence of vocal leadership. It seems more and more like the answer might be #88.
I dare you. Seriously, I dare you. Go to ChicagoBears.com and watch the first video out of minicamp. I dare you to watch this video and not get excited. Because you'll see something in this video. You'll see the burnt orange and navy out on a football field. You'll see the the Bears. And you'll start dreaming of going back to the Super Bowl.
You'll see other things too. You'll see Devin Hester look like an offensive weapon while being the first candidate to make me stick my foot in my mouth for the 07-08 season. You'll see Cedric Benson look like an entirely different football player. Benson talks and makes you want to listen because he's as thoughtful and interesting a mind as you're going to find between the hash marks. You'll see #8 and you'll sigh...and hope...
There's a lot of other things happening you won't see. Lance Briggs is nowhere to be found and Lovie Smith sounds far from worried. Alex Brown has been vocal about trade demands and he may get louder as Mark Anderson has moved to the starting lineup opposite Wale. You won't see Greg Olsen (at an NFL mandated photo shoot) or Michael Okwo (finishing his studies at Stanford...anybody else like that?).
I'd go check it out if I were you. The Cubs don't win til this afternoon. (Side note: If you don't think Sweet Lou uses the Dempster shit storm to rally these guys, you're nuts. They sweep this weekend and get to .500)
Newly appointed Morality Czar Roger Goodell met with Terry the Tank today and a decision on his 2008 season is imminent. The media reports surrounding the meeting have been varied and opinions intense. Some believe Terry should sit out the entirety of 08. Some believe he should be given the Chris Henry 8 games.
My feelings? No suspension. No suspension at all. And not because Terry is a Chicago Bear. And not because I believe having a house full of guns is a good idea. No, I feel Terry Johnson served his punishment. Chris Henry and Pacman Jones (what the fuck kind of nickname is Pacman for a football player?) will miss some football games and lose some money. Terry Johnson lost his freedom for two months. He went to jail. Have you heard of jail? Men force their penises into the butts of other men in jail. That's not going to happen to Pacman.
I am a firm believer that in order for Terry Johnson to perform something of a life recovery, he's going to need football. Now more than ever. He's going to need his teammates and coaches, many of whom visited him multiple times in the clink. He's going to need the Bears organization that showed tremendous courage in standing by him last fall and was dutifully applauded on this website while the SunTimes and Tribune wrote column after column demanding he be cut. (We also salute the much-maligned Michael McCaskey for visiting Tank.)
I hope Goody does the right thing and puts Tank back on the football. I hope Tank keeps his nose clean and turns his life around. I hope we look back in a decade and say not only did Lovie and Jerry run a brilliant football organization but they were good man and they saved a life.
The Bears have confirmed that moving Devin Hester to the offensive side of the ball will be a top priority heading into the 2008 season.
My opinion: terrible idea. Why? See: Dante Hall.
Hester isn't the brightest bulb in the chandelier and overloading him with too much responsibility will most likely result in diminished returns on both ends. When Hester started being a more integral part of the defensive system, his return production plummeted.
Of course I hope I'm wrong...
When the old one is still so damn good...
The following post is from our loyal and devoted JB.
Okay, so I touched on the story in a previous thread, but with all the Tommy talk, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll give you the whole thing. Tom Waddle, my favorite Bear of all time.
I was in 6th grade or so and saw a #87 Bears jersey for sale when I went to get some new kicks. I bought the jersey, which for a 6th grader was a big expense, but I bought the biggest size they had (XXL), knowing that he would be my favorite player for a long time to come. It went down to my knees, maybe more, but it fit perfectly in my eyes.
I wanted it personalized, which at that time was harder to do. I went to a screen printer and had him put on WADDLE in white letters, which elicited some interesting comments from non-bears fans (didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t help I wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t a slender kid).
We had gone to Platteville, WI many times growing up for training camp and we got to go that next summer. Of course I wore my jersey and when Tom came out, he wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t signing a lot of autographs. The 87 caught his eye and he walked straight up to me, and said Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve got to sign this for my #1 fanÃ¢â‚¬?Ã¢â‚¬Â¦making me the happiest kid ever of course.
I wore the jersey for every Bears game for 10 years, and started a tradition of wearing it at every Super Bowl until it could get us a W in the big game regardless of who was playing that year. At first I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to wash it, but my mom insisted. The ink of course has faded once or twice over time, only to be diligently and carefully retraced by my own hand.
Fast forward to my junior or senior year of high school. Tom had been retired for a couple years and was on a public speaking tour about sportsmanship. He came to my high school and I wore the jersey to the event (knowing full well that either made me really cool or a huge loser in the eyes of my then teenage cronies).
I went up afterwards to talk to him, not really knowing what to say. I said something to the effect of Ã¢â‚¬Å“youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re my favorite player of all timeÃ¢â‚¬?, to which he responded, Ã¢â‚¬Å“you must be a poor judge of talentÃ¢â‚¬?. He then pointed to his signature on my jersey and said Ã¢â‚¬Å“too bad I ruined your jersey, now itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not worth anything.Ã¢â‚¬?
We chatted for about five minutes, getting a chance to talk to my boyhood hero who I modeled my Ã¢â‚¬Å“playground gameÃ¢â‚¬? after was probably one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me.
I still have the jersey; it is probably one of my most prized possessions. I wear it occasionally now; more like two to three times a year when we need a big win rather than the once a week during middle school.
After reading a few of the negative posts, and some of the comments about why people are mad at this player or have a negative outlook on next season or think the game itself has flaws, I just wanted to give you guys one of the great things the Bears have given me in my life. I love this team. I love the players and coaches that win us games. But most importantly, I love those 3 hours a week for 5 months of the year where I can become completely engrossed in a football game, forget everything else in my life, and cheer for the team with the greatest tradition in the history of the game with the best fans in the world.
Is David Ball destined to be the next Tom Waddle?
Those of you who frequent this site understand that I don't throw T Dubs around. Tommy is my all-time favorite Chicago Bear but word leaking slowly out of the hallowed grounds of Halas Hall seem to insinuate there's a new Dubs in town.
I'm not going to write columns praising guys in mini-camps. But David Ball...I've got my eye on you.
Keyshawn Johnson is a brilliant football commentator, as anyone who sat through day one of the draft can attest to. But on the football field, his production has never quite kept up-to-speed with his mouth. He's something of an enigma: a guy who can catch 100 balls for 2 touchdowns. But one thing is non-negotiable...Keyshawn Johnson is one of the toughest wide receivers in the game.
There will be league-wide interest in Mrs. Wayne Chrebet this week and I'm of the mindset the Bears should throw their hat in the ring. Every move this team makes should in some way be about helping their flimsier-than-Phil Spector's defense quarterback get through next season. Keyshawn not only would add a big-body, great-hands first down target for Rex - he'd instill some of the leadership fire that was traded to the Jets for a second round swap.
Will the Bears do it? Not likely. But a boy can dream, can't he?
Jay Mariotti isn't a very good writer. He never has been. He gets press for the silly things he says not for the interesting way he says them. Now - in his current column - Mariotti has climbed again atop his high moral steed and castigated the behavior of the newest Bear for his actions as an eighteen year-old.
Yes, "G-Reg" Greg Olsen was part of the Miami rap song so many found disgusting. Those so many? Fucking old people! Every single person that I know (without a single exception) not only took no offense to the song but they found it downright hysterical.
But Mariotti says the Bears don't need someone with questionable morals now. And we all know singing offensive-to-Jay lyrics is the same thing as rape. Jay is a douche bag and it is certainly time to stop putting his from-the-pulpit trash on the pages of the Sun-Times.
Why does Jay write this shit? Look at his track record as an actual sports writer. Six years ago he yelped and yepled about how the Bears should have taken Daunte Culpepper. Then he did the same for a year about Byron Leftwich. When these players turned out to be nothings, he goes on a moral rampage through the Chicago sports scene. The real problem is Jay doesn't know anything about sports. And before he ruins the emotional well-being of a soon-to-be Chicago sports star, I'd rather the Sun-Times just say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
The paper across town has turned Sun-Times sports into a joke and Mariotti is the reason why.