Divisional Round Prediction Haikus

| January 19th, 2024

All times ET. Home team in CAPS.

Saturday 4:30 PM – Texans at RAVENS (-9)

A battle wages

in the land of McNulty.

The game is the game.

Saturday 8:15 PM – Packers at NINERS (-9.5)

Cover your damn eyes.

Green Bay can beat ANYONE.

They will keep this close.

Sunday 3:00 PM – Bucs at LIONS (-6)

One city makes cars.

One city is all strip clubs.

Baker be dancin’.

Sunday 6:30 PM – Chiefs at BILLS (-3)

My head says Mahomes.

But my heart is in New York,

drenched in Elmo’s sauce.

Last week the picks were 2-4 but in fairness I picked the Steelers expecting them to cover in a blizzard. This week I’m on Baltimore -9, Packers +9.5, Bucs +6, Bills -3.

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Wildcard Weekend: Picking the Games in Haiku

| January 12th, 2024

All times are ET. Home team in CAPS.

Saturday 4:30 PM – HOUSTON v. Cleveland (-2.5)

His name is Flacco.

No, not the Manhattan owl.

But still the man soars.

Saturday 8:00 PM – KANSAS CITY (-4.5) v. Miami

It will be frigid,

projected at six below.

Too bleak for Flipper.

Sunday 1:00 PM – BUFFALO (-10) v. Pittsburgh

It’s the Bar Bill wings,

versus Primanti Brothers.

Dip this win in blue.

Sunday 4:30 PM – DALLAS (-7.5) v. Green Bay

America’s team.

A nation’s eyes upon them.

Will they hold up? Yes.

Sunday 8:15 PM – DETROIT (-3) v. Los Angeles

Jared was a Ram.

And Matthew was a Lion.

The latter moves on.

Monday 8:00 PM – TAMPA BAY v. Philadelphia (-3)

The home team is bad,

and the road team might be worse.

Someone has to win.

The Picks: Cleveland -2.5, Kansas City -4.5, Pittsburgh +10, Dallas -7.5, Los Angeles +3.5, Philly -3 (but I won’t be betting the last one).

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And So Ends Another One: Bears at Packers Week 18 Game Preview

| January 5th, 2024

Why Do I Like the Chicago Bears this Week?







Justin Fields as a Mixed Drink…

I was asked by @AlexBryant93, as I tweeted from behind the sticks, what mixed drink Justin Fields might be. So, I spent some time ruminating on the topic.

First, let’s rule some drinks out. Fields is not your classic NFL quarterback so we can rule out the classics like the Old Fashioned, Manhattan, Martini, Vodka tonic, etc. (Is there a more vodka tonic quarterback than Kirk Cousins?)

Fields seems to struggle with the simple stuff. He doesn’t always hit the layups. So, I would argue he’s not a vodka soda, or vodka cran, or even a Jameson ginger.

But he’s explosive, and fun. He’s got an electric deep-ball arm and might be the most dynamic runner in the game. So, I want a fun alcohol in the conversation. I also want something with an element not found in any other mixed cocktail.

And so it is decided. Justin Fields is an espresso martini. 2 oz of Mr. Black coffee liqueur. 2 oz of freshly made espresso. 1 oz of simple syrup. A dash of bitters. And shake the shit out of it. That extra element? A few espresso beans sprinkled atop the drink as garnish.

(And if you’re ever at PJ Horgan’s in Sunnyside, Queens, I make the best espresso martini in town.)

The Final Dick Butkus Video of the Season

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