Audibles From the Long Snapper: Mr. Ditka’s Mustache & More

| September 12th, 2013

Not a ton of relevant information out there about the first week of the Bears season but I scrounged together a few bits and bobs.


Ditka to Shave Mustache?

I assume because someone comically sign me up for it, I receive emails from an organization called the American Mustache Institute. This week’s was, of course, Bears related. CLICK HERE to read the entirety of the piece.

There are many good jokes in this world. Whether it be clean jokes, dirty ones, knock-knock jokes, Paulie Shore’s career, why did the chicken cross the road, the music of Justin Bieber — it’s all very, very funny.

The prospect of Mike Ditka shaving his mustache, however, is  not funny in any way.

Apparently this specter of a bare-faced Ditka is a possibility, as in an interview with WGN’s Pat Tomasulo (below), the former Chicago Bears coach said if a large donation is made to his favorite charity, he will forcibly remove his lower nose forestry embankment.

“Clearly Mr. Ditka has forgotten his place in this world — that he is a shining beacon of freedom in representing the Mustached American community with his consistency of purpose allowing our people to flourish,” said Dr. Adam Paul Causgrove, chief executive officer of the American Mustache Institute, when told of Ditka’s gambit. “And biblically speaking, he must keep in mind that each time a mustache is shaved an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth, according to the Dead Sea Scrolls.”

While AMI has always stood for charitable intentions — and in fact, every endeavor undertaken by the organization has a charitable tie including our forthcoming ‘Stache Bash 2013 in Pittsburgh – this may go too far.



Here is Our Weekly Schedule

I am settling into a new season groove. This will be the weekly schedule of posts as we move forward:

Monday (or day after game): Bullet point responses to the previous game.

Tuesday: the column, drawing something of a larger meaning from the game.

Wednesday: The Play That Wasn’t There

Thursday: Audibles From the Long Snapper

Friday: Game Preview

Saturday: Reverend’s Rant

Sunday: Game Thread


Pro Football Focus Praises Cutler, Mills, Long

I disagree with some evaluations by the Focus guys but thought their work on Bears v. Bengals was pretty solid. To read the entire game report, CLICK HERE.

One rookie offensive lineman stepped onto the field Sunday and played like a Top 5 pick from the first snap to the last. That rookie was not Kyle Long (-1.7), rather it was fifth-rounder Jordan Mills (+3.4) out of Louisiana Tech. Mills allowed just that one pressure while Long allowed two and Mills was solid all day on the ground. All in all, it was a great showing for both considering that Long was matched up with the best defensive tackle in the NFL, Geno Atkins, for 25 snaps. Starting two rookies on the same side of the line is a dangerous proposition, but so far Mills and Long have made Marc Trestman look like a genius for it.

Jay Cutler’s (+6.1) play was a breath of fresh air for Bears fans. Poised in the pocket, under control, and accurate. It was the most comfortable he’s ever looked in a Bears uniform and his performance deserves this game ball.

All in all, the second half of Sunday’s game proved the Bears offense can thrive under Trestman and the numbers seem to lean that way.


This Was Called The Bear Song on YouTube…

And I think some of you will quite enjoy it.


The Effect of an Offensive Line?

I was planning to do a comparison of the Bears current position in power rankings across the internet in an effort to show how arbitrary and downright silly they tend to be. Instead, after looking at the ESPN Power Ranking, I was shocked. They made a magnificent point.

Jay Cutler was 8-of-10 for 94 yards and a touchdown against at least five rushers Sunday against the Bengals. Cutler ranked 33rd with a 23.5 Total QBR last year against added pressure.

The idiocy of that QBR stat aside, this was an impossible achievement for Jay in 2012 because five rushers meant three making contact with his body. Most impressive is fact that Bengals defensive line is as good as any Bears face this year.