Robert Altman’s Kansas City (1996)
Why Do I Like the Chicago Bears this Week?
Preparing for Decimation
Here are my three easy ways to make Sunday’s game a more palatable experience for you, the Bears fan.
(1) If you drink, start drinking at kickoff of the early games. You don’t have to go crazy, but you don’t want to be angrily staring at the television screen as Fields stands endlessly in the pocket, failing to notice both his wide-open receivers and Chris Jones sprinting at him. I recommend 2-3 drinks during the early window, with an option for rapid acceleration as Bears/Chiefs gets out of hand.
(2) Parlay the Chiefs ML with whatever bet you like for Sunday Night Football. You’re not getting anything when the Chiefs win the game, but if you parlay them with either the Steelers OR the Raiders on Sunday night, you’re suddenly in the +odds. If the Bears win, you’re happy! When the Bears don’t win, you’ll have a chance to win a few quid come the evening hours.
(3) Disassociate yourself emotionally. I know this is easier said than done but give it a try. I have personally not invested one ounce of emotion into either of the first two contests this season and I’m the better for it. This is not a good football team. They are poorly coached. They are poorly quarterbacked. And neither of those things is going to radically improve in the coming months. The ceiling for this season is “eh” so why invest more than that?
Top Five Robert Altman Fans (With Videos!)
In honor of this game being in Kansas City, and that title being one of Altman’s more underrated offerings, here’s a look at my top five films by a profoundly brilliant artist.
(5) Popeye (1980). My good buddy Mike Lapinski has been singing this film’s praises since the day I met in like 1999. I’m finally coming around to it as perhaps one of the truer recreations of the cartoon aesthetic (with Burton’s Batman and Beatty’s Dick Tracy) in cinema, and oh that Harry Nilsson score!
(4) McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971). Read Roger Ebert’s brilliant review HERE.
(3) The Player (1992). Perhaps the finest film ever made about Hollywood.
(2) Nashville (1975).
(1) The Long Goodbye (1973). It is not only the best Marlowe film, but it also has some of the more amazing posters in movie history. This one is my favorite. Click the image to see it full size.
Tweet Thread of the Week
There will be plenty of time to reflect on the wild events of Wednesday, as the 2023 season continues mimic Marc Trestman’s nightmare 2014 campaign. But with so much erroneous information being circulated publicly (who the hell is Jon Zaghloul?) and privately (my DMs were The Land of Hapless Guessing), I thought it best to share this essential thread from Jay Zawaski:
Today was a good reminder to check the source before you start speculating wildly. Twitter has no consequence for false info. Lives are impacted. Reputations are ruined. If something seems a little too crazy to be true, it just might be.
A couple other things…
— Jay Zawaski (@jayzawaski) September 20, 2023
Game Prediction, in Three Depressing Parts
- On October 20th, 2019, I officially quit on Mitch Trubisky, as he struggled to do anything productive against the New Orleans Saints. This Sunday feels like that moment for Justin Fields. Can he be a productive player in the NFL? Yes, I think he can. Can he be a consistently successful NFL quarterback? Not unless we see dramatic (and unprecedented) improvement at the fundamentals of the position in the next few months. History tells us it is not happening.
- I encourage Fields fans to look at the tape of Baltimore v. Cincinnati from Sunday. Lamar Jackson was excellent in this game, but he did almost all of his early damage from the pocket. When the Bengals decided to collapse his pocket with pressure, he beat them with movement. THAT’s the template.
- Andy Reid vs. Matt Eberflus does not feel like a fair fight. The Bears have also not faced a good quarterback this season and they’ve still been dissected by both passing games. Now, they face Andy and Mahomes. 500 yards would not be out of the question if Mahomes were still on the field in the fourth quarter. (He likely won’t be.)
- Oh, the Chiefs just completely shut down one of the better offenses around, holding Trevor Lawrence to 216 yards and Travis Etienne Jr. to 3.3 yards per carry. What chance do we actually think the Bears have to move the ball in this game? Answer: none…none chance.
Kansas City Chiefs 42, Chicago Bears 17
(I still LIKE them; I just can’t fathom the notion of picking them.)