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On this week’s episode:

• New theme songs!
• I complain about the Tribune.
• Adam Jahns talks about who is filling the defensive leadership void, why the negativity surrounding the Bears is wrong and pinpoints as HJQ as his player to watch early in the season.
• The Reverend does a rant about a transvestite prostitute. .
• Bears 20, Texans 14

Houston is a difficult opponent for the 2016 Chicago Bears, at least as we understand this Bears team to be constructed. If the Bears are going to open with a road victory, one would think the following are areas where they’d need to be successful.

Administrative Note: There will be no more long-winded game previews this season. Instead Thursdays will be used to isolate a noteworthy match-up or two for the coming weekend and Friday will be completely devoted to the return of DaBearsBlog’s Weekend Show. The game prediction will be part of that show.

HOUSTON RECEIVERS

VS.

BEARS SECONDARY

• DeAndre Hopkins is one of the best receivers in the sport and there is nobody in the Bears secondary who can match up with him one-on-one. If the Bears don’t get to Brock Osweiler, Hopkins will find holes down the field and end up with a double-digit catch, triple-digit yardage afternoon.
• Brock Osweiler received mixed reviews this summer in Houston but one can’t overstate the pressure he’ll be facing in his debut in front of the home crowd. The guy is being paid a zillion dollars off eight okay performances for a stacked roster. The Texans believe they were a quarterback away from title contention a year ago and paid Osweiler to take them to the promised land. Is he any good? Nobody really knows. But there’s two ways the Bears can shake him early: (a) pick off a pass in the first quarter or (b) don’t allow him easy completions early to allow him to settle into a rhythm.
• Will Fuller is good. Bears better hope he doesn’t announce his presence in the NFL Sunday.

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I didn’t see any of it coming. Any of it. Thoughts.

• Impossible to suggest the Bears had planned to replace Robbie Gould at the start of the summer. Not when they brought in zero competition for him. But his big misses last season coupled with an incredibly shaky camp/preseason forced the Bears hand. Pace  and Fox know what this team is. They know they’ll need to win close ones. And they simply didn’t trust Robbie any more.
• That being said, Robbie had a brilliant career in Chicago. Brilliant. Hester-Robbie-Mannelly-Toub is the modern era Mount Rushmore of Bears special teams.
• Connor “Party On” Barth is a guy. Could be good. Could be shaky. But if the Bears thought this a possibility, why not bring a few kids to camp? I wrote about challenging Robbie this summer LAST FALL. The signs were there. It feels like the front office missed them.
• I don’t care about Josh Sitton’s back issues. He’s still a damn good player. If the Bears only get one season out of him, that’s fine by me. They have the cash. Why not spend it? The risk/reward is ENTIRELY in Chicago’s column.

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#1 – A Shutdown Corner

Charles Tillman was a shut down corner.

Does that mean he shut down every receiver he faced in his Hall of Fame worthy Bears career? Of course not. In the modern NFL, with rules skewing more and more towards offensive football, it’ll be rare to see a defensive back opponents don’t have some modicum of success against.

No, in today’s league, a “shutdown corner” is less a corner who shuts down the opponent 100% of the time and more a corner the coaching staff feels comfortable lining up opposite a top receiver each and every down, confident he’ll win a majority of the one-on-one battles.

Having one of those guys makes playing defense in this league so much easier.

The Bears don’t have one. They don’t have anything close.

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#2 – Matt Slauson

Don’t care how Bears evaluated Slauson last year. If he were on the roster today he’d be the following:

• Starting center
• Backup left guard
• Backup right guard

Slauson was affordable, versatile depth for a team that is sorely lacking such on the offensive line.

If you believe Bears are better without him, you’re wrong.

#3 – A Sure Thing Offensive Tackle (For Protection)

Charles Leno Jr. is the left tackle and I believe was the most underrated player on the 2015 Chicago Bears. Is he a great player currently? No. Can he be great? Unless you come to that question with an agenda, there’s no way to answer it.

Bobby Massie is the right tackle and, well, he’s okay. Good run blocker. Slightly below average pass protector. Massie’s signing doesn’t prohibit the Bears from addressing the position next spring but the Bears believe pairing Massie with friend and workout partner Kyle Long will give them the power run game they desire.

Neither is a guarantee on third-and-seven. And in the NFL it is easy for offensive coordinators to cover up for one struggling tackle in pass protection. Trying to cover up for two puts the offense in a phone booth & limits any and all opportunities for explosiveness.

Remember, the 2016 Bears may not have this issue. I just wish the question wasn’t there.

#4 – A Young, Interesting Backup Quarterback

Based on history there is a strong probability Jay Cutler will miss a game or two this season. And when he does, Brian Hoyer will step into the starting role and lose. Just like Clausen and Hanie and Quinn before him. Losing with the backup quarterback in today’s NFL is nothing to be overly upset about. There are very few teams, if any, that can survive losing their top talent at the most important position in professional sport. But the disappointing and disheartening part of losing with a Hoyer or Clausen is there’s nothing to be gained from the experience. It’s empty calories.

Losing with a young quarterback, a quarterback with the potential to start in the future, a quarterback who brings some excitement to the field, can actually be fun. The Dallas Cowboys didn’t want to play a single offensive snap without Tony Romo under center this season. But now playing those snaps with Dak Prescott will at least give Cowboys fans an opportunity to glimpse their possible future. (Dak’s preseason has been ridiculously over-celebrated but at least that celebration gives fans hope.) If Dallas had to go through the next two months watching Luke McCown throw footballs to the other team, they’d be checked out of the campaign by the first of October.

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#5 – ROBBIE GOULD FROM TEN YEARS AGO

The 2016 Bears are built to play close games. How so?

• They are built for a power run game. Angry guards. Good backs. A bunch of tight endy, hybrid-type players. You get the sense John Fox will be preaching about time of possession each week.
• The Bears secondary is the team’s signature weakness so good offenses will be able to move the ball. But they have terrific coverage linebackers and a solid front seven so translating those drives into seven points will be harder.
• The Bears passing game, even with Alshon Jeffery, is not designed to hit home runs. They want to play a quick-release style and get the ball in the hands of their playmakers.

A year ago, with much less talent, Robbie Gould could have extended a game against the Redskins and beaten the 49ers. He had a decent season overall but when the game was on the line, Gould was at his weakest. When 2006 Robbie walked onto the field, you could take a bathroom break and zip up with confidence. Three points were guaranteed. But those days are long gone.

The difference between seven and ten wins this season could be three kicks. But which Robbie will attempt them, 2015 or 2006?

Panic! Season over! Death! Cancel your Sunday Ticket subscription out-of-towners because Bears football will be scrap heap sport in 2016.

Here are some actual football thoughts.

(1) Whether it’s a smart move or not, the Bears clearly had no interest in showing Kevin White this preseason. I expected 3-4 bubble screens to the “rookie” just to get his feet wet in game action but Fox and Loggains didn’t see a need.

(2) Barely using White. No Eddie Royal or Zach Miller or Kyle Long, the Bears best offensive player. Not sure why anyone thinks what they saw Saturday after was the Bears offense.

(3) I didn’t notice Cornelius Edison. And that’s a good thing with the center position. And if you think I’m rewatching a preseason game, you sir are wrong.

(4)  You know where fans are going to notice Freeman and Trevathan most? The red zone.

(5) Cutler just wasn’t good Saturday. Looked completely out of sorts and inaccurate. But there were also several plays Jay would normally look to extend with his legs that he didn’t because, well, there is no earthly reason to expose yourself to hits in a practice game.

(6) If Tracy Porter misses time, I don’t know what the Bears do at corner. They don’t have the bodies. Some solid, young prospects but nobody ready to compete today. They’ll need to get to the quarterback.

(7) If the preseason showed anything relevant it showed what we already know. Bears need another offseason to get OL and secondary sorted.