Scooter was a miniature dachshund and the kind of dog little kids dream of having.  She used to umpire wiffle ball games between my brothers and I in our Kearny, New Jersey driveway.  I’m a dog lover because of Scooter. 

Now Mike Mulligan wants the Chicago Bears to sign Michael Vick.  And it makes sense.

Before my valiant readers ascend upon their highest of high horses, answer the following questions.  (1) Do the Bears have a capable backup quarterback on the roster?  (2) Is Vick a three-time Pro Bowler available for peanuts? 

The dog lover in me wants Vick to flounder in the anonymity of the Arena League and fade into obscurity.  The playwright in me wants to believe in redemption for all human beings, specifically when that redemption can resoundingly benefit the Chicago Bears.  It looks like Vick won’t be a factor until the sixth week of the season and, even then, he’ll become nothing more than an insurance policy on the health of the Bears’ most important asset – Jay Cutler.  That is unless he’s able to adapt to a slash/receiver-type role and becomes the cure for two of the team’s most pressing ails.

Let PETA picket on Lake Shore Drive.  I’ll take sixty thousand football fans over three dozen vegetarians any day of the week.  From a football standpoint, this decision makes sense.  More sense for the Chicago Bears than any other club in the league.  PR problems are only PR problems when teams lose.  PR problems get buried behind “News of the Weird” when you make the playoffs.      

David Haugh is reporting that Charles Tillman will miss training camp and the preseason due to back surgery.

Needless to say…bad news.  Mike Florio, over at PFT, adds this:

Tillman missed the final two games of the 2006 season with a similar problem.  In February 2007, he underwent surgery to repair a herniated disc in his back.

We now have a starter in the defensive backfield (already a weakness) with a chronic back issue.  There’s now a lot of pressure on Nathan Vasher to return to form.

Note: If you are headed down to training camp, let me know.  I’d be glad to allow this as a forum for your photographs and first-hand accounts.

Receivers Will Be the Focus
Kudos to Brad Biggs at the Sun-Times for breaking down the entirety of the position with such detail.  With no trade for Anquan Boldin on the horizon and Robert Morgenthau pushing two years of jail time for Plaxico Burress (“Amen!” says my best friend Lou), the Bears have actually created very little drama at the position.  They suited-up six men at wideout a year ago and it looks like those six are going to be Devin “The Skunk” Hester, “Duke of” Earl Bennett, Rash “Hands” Davis, Juaquin “Julio” Iglesias, Johnny “Jackass” Knox and Brandon Rideau “A Deer a Female Deer”.  The other options?  Derek Kinder?  John Broussard?  Eric Peterman?  The only real tension around the position is whether one of the rookies can supplant Jay Cutler’s former teammate in the starting lineup.  And really,what are the odds of that?

Two Things I Don’t Care About (and neither should you) 
Larry Mayer wastes column space responding to Fox Sports’ Power Rankings and arguing the merits of the Bears.  I’d like to reiterate a previously-made statement: Power Rankings are what football columnists write when they have absolutely no other use as journalists. 

Seeing the headline of Brad Biggs’ not-going-to-make-Bob-Woodward-nervous Sun-Times column should tell you all you need to know: “Does Cutler mean at least 10 wins?” Maybe, after three months, we could stop speculating about how many games Cutler is going to win?  Maybe we could just wait and see how well he gels with the offense on Friday and beyond?  Maybe we could just look at their record after sixteen games and use that number as a barometer?  

Rod Remembers 0-16
Thomas George does a nice job for NFL.com, breaking down Rod Marinelli’s everything-riding-on-it impact on the defensive line.  The most interesting passage involves Tommie Harris:

“Tommie is strong, motivated, bright, perfect for the system,”
Marinelli said. “He was banged up last year. He seems pretty healthy.
He’s done it. This group is going to compete. It is exciting to see
them come together.”

I think most of us – myself included – forget how different this defense is with a healthy, disruptive Tommie Harris at defensive tackle.  He is capable of being the best defensive player in the sport and I think an argument can be made that he’s the team’s most important player.

Off-the-Radar, In-Camp
Brad Biggs lists the non-headliners to keep an eye on when camp opens next week.  The guy I’ll be watching closest, as I’ve said many times, is backup quarterback Caleb Hanie.  Biggs recognizes the impact Hanie is capable of having on the 2009 campaign:

All eyes will be on Cutler but Hanie’s basically blank resume is going
to make it imperative that he perform well in preseason. The Bears
aren’t going to panic if it looks sketchy behind Cutler, who has never
missed an NFL start, but seeing some solid outings out of Hanie will
make them feel pretty good about a potential No. 2 for a few seasons.
You can be young and ineffective and hold down a job as a No. 3 a team
is looking to develop. The backup needs to be able to come in and get a
team through a game.

Brett Favre = Jackoff
Say what I will about Brett Favre, his capacity to be a dickhead knows no bounds.  Brett Favre has gone from the most popular player in the sport to utter douche bag in just three years.  Unless you murder dogs in your backyard, that’s plain difficult.  While Favre is mulling his decision to return and half the Vikings’ roster is reaching out to him, there’s a couple guys actually in purple uniforms that are becoming more and more irritated by it.  Favre has become the football equivalent of meth.  He emerges in a new town every year and leaves devastation in his wake.   

A 9-7 teams adds a quarterback, outside linebacker, aging offensive tackle, unproven guard and 0-16 coach and suddenly they’re going to the Super Bowl?  That better be some quarterback.  Without further adieu, here are the five reasons the Bears won’t win the division in 2009.

#5. They start 0-2
The Packers had an awful 2008 but it was also a season they let get away.  If the Bears were to lose to their oldest rival at Lambeau in primetime to start the season, it wouldn’t be unforgivable.  If they lost (as they’ll be predicted to do) the following week against the world champions, would this coaching staff and group of players be able to handle the subsequent fan and media pressure?

#4. Devin Hester = Mediocre Receiver
If Hester is no more than his 51-665-3 of a year ago, the team will be forced to utilize a controlled, underneath passing game that allows defenses to stack the box against the run.  Or, as one might say, the offense will look eerily similar to the offense of the last decade. 

#3. Orlando Pace Has Nothing Left
What if we learn, in the opening weeks of the season, that Pace is no longer capable of blocking the league’s elite pass rushers?  Do the Bears attempt to move Chris Williams to the left side?  Does Omiyale slide out to tackle?  Will the unit have any time to mesh?  Pace has been a great player in the league for an awful long time but he’s a risky start at one of the sport’s most important positions.

#2. The Secondary Acts Like the Secondary
Remember 2008?  Bernard Berrian uncovered up the sideline?  Matt Ryan completing the only pass that would enable a Falcons victory?  Brian Griese looking like Bob Griese?  Andre Johnson keeping the Bears from the postseason?  Yeah…so do I. 

…and of course, #1 
Lovie Smith.

As we approach the start of training camp, expectations surrounding the 2009 Chicago Bears are higher than they’ve been since the start of the 1986 season.  (One could argue the 2007 team was expected to be better, though the Super Bowl loser curse negated much of that enthusiasm.)  Here are my six reasons the Bears will win the NFC North and make a deep run in the NFC post-season.

#5.  A Resurgent Brian Urlacher

54 has been remarkably quiet this off-season after his weak 2008 campaign, following a lucrative contract extension.  Urlacher, for the first time in nearly a decade, will not be the focal point of this club and that easing-of-pressure should lead to the kind of numbers that made him a perennial contender for Defensive POY. 

#4. Monday Night, December 28th

While I expect the Packers to be better than a year ago, this Monday night home game against the Vikings could very well decide the season.  That’s Chicago.  Late December.  Evening.  Go back and watch the Jets in Seattle at the end of 2008 or the Packers in the NFC Championship  Game in 2007 and you’ll get a clear picture of what the elderly Brett Favre looks like in these types of conditions.  Bears 31, Vikings 10.

#3. Depth 

Last year, the Bears were an injury away from starting my brother on the offensive line.  This year, last year’s starters have become backups.  The club also has a capable starter at backup running back, two linebacker positions and across the defensive line.  The Bears only have two positions on the field where a red flag goes up due to injury: quarterback and safety.  (And should the Vikings cut Sage Rosenfels after signing Favre, one of those problems may get solved.)

#2. Matt Forte & Greg Olsen

In my opinion, one of the best duos of young players in the sport.  I can project their numbers all day long but instead I’ll say this: I expect them to combine for at least twnety-five touchdowns and expect both to be in the Pro Bowl.

…and, of course, #1

I’m off to the Jersey Shore for the weekend, returning for the final ten days before the start of training camp.  Then I shall spend a month of my life hoping never to read “Cutler carted off practice field with a knee.”

Driver Doesn’t Like Our Wide Receivers

Green Bay wide receiver Donald Driver, one of the most underrated players in the sport, doesn’t like the collection of talent assembled at wideout for the Chicago Bears.  And outside of the state of Illinois (and parts of Indiana), neither does anybody else.  But read the rest of Driver’s comments and you’ll realize that this division suddenly has a lot of respect for the Bears, especially since the acquisition of Jay Cutler.

I Don’t Play Fantasy Football…

…but if I did, the Bears’ player I think is going to have the biggest season (at his position) is Greg Olsen.  While the league harps on our lack of depth at wide receiver, Olsen possesses the combination of size and speed that should make Jay Cutler salivate.  It wouldn’t surprise me at all to see G-Reg finish 2009 with 75 catches and 10 touchdowns.

Ross Tucker: American Hero?

When the Chiefs announced they’d signed Matt Cassell to a monster contract, my only question was, “Really?”  One good season in a system that has produced nothing but good seasons for a decade leads to $63 million?  Needless to say, nobody at ESPN seemed to question the move because (1) they’re morons and (2) it didn’t involve Brett Favre.  Ross Tucker, the new guy over Sports Illustrated, did question it in a sound and lucid manner.  Is there finally a reasonable, national football voice?

Finally!  A topic!

Vaughn McClure writes in today’s Trib that Devin Hester has expressed a willingness to abandon the punt return game.  Or as Hester puts it:

“I think a return man simply has to be a return man,”
Hester said. “There’s really no other position he should go out and
play. A return man is a totally different ball game from trying to be a
return man and starting receiver, or the starting cornerback, or a
starting safety. I don’t think it’s going to work. That’s why you never
really see it last that long in the NFL. You can’t do it.“

Hester goes on to say that he’d still like to achieve the all-time return record but his point above is better-taken.  Devin Hester is now expected to be the number one receiver for the Chicago Bears.  That was never asked of Dante Hall, the last player to showcase the kind of electricity Hester displays.  It was never asked of Desmond Howard, White Shoes or Mel Gray either.  Number one receiver means approaching 100 catches.  It means double-digit touchdowns.  It means never leaving the field.

I was opposed to moving Devin Hester to wide receiver because I don’t believe in tampering with greatness.  Hester’s impact on individual games had become incalculable.  When the defense got a stop on third down, the stadium rose to its feet and applauded.  Not the stop.  The anticipation.  Still, Hester has been moved and has surprised me with his capacity to be a dominant force at the position.  Be honest, does he ever look like he’s covered?  If this development continues, the return game must be sacrificed.

And with Danieal Manning’s athletic ability on this roster, how much will he be missed?

Because there is nothing happening in professional football and because I wanted to put something on the site, I started breaking down some passing game statistics this morning.  Why?  I wanted to see in what specific areas of the passing game the Chicago Bears struggled and what separated them from the elite teams in 2008.  My verdict?  I’m not sure I have one.  So how about I give you the numbers and you figure it out.

Note: I took total passing stats.  Not just starting quarterbacks.  I compiled them here.

Let’s take the best in the conference…

ARIZONA CARDINALS
418 – 630, 66.3 %
4,875 yards
75 completions to running backs
11.7 yard per catch
31 touchdowns
Kurt Warner: 30 TD / 14 INT
26 sacks

Let’s take a middle of the road passing game…

NEW YORK GIANTS
298 – 491, 60.3 %
3,353 yards
52 completions to running backs
11.3 yards per catch
23 touchdowns
Eli Manning: 21 TD / 10 INT
27 sacks

Let’s take the Chicago Bears Football Club…

CHICAGO BEARS
304 – 528, 57.6 %
3,229 yards
71 completions to running backs
10.6 yards per catch
20 touchdowns
Orton/Grossman: 20 TD / 14 INT
27 sacks

Jay Cutler was sacked only eleven times, behind a mediocre offensive line.  Aside from that, where does he make the passing game significantly better?  In what areas must the offense focus?  What do all the damn numbers mean?

God, there is just nothing to write about.  Look at the headlines on ESPN’s NFL page:

• Fans line up to pay their respects to McNair
• Ex-Cowboys LB Ellis: Ware hid so I could play
• Judge blocks two Vikings’ doping suspensions
• Police: McNair deaths ruled murder-suicide 
• McNair had taped suicide prevention message
• NFL group makes it to Mount Rainier summit 
• Deadline to sign franchise players draws near
• Stallworth tape details events before DUI crash
• Ex-NFL lineman Baldinger charged in fatal crash

Nine total articles listed.  Four about a murder.  Two about fatal car crashes.  One about taking illegal dope.  One about a couple football guys climbing a mountain.  Two (peripherally) about football.  And this from a company that I’d imagine employs about a dozen human beings whose only job is to break football news.

What About Those Williams Sisters?
ProFootballTalk reports that the Williams Wall is going to play the first four games of the 2009 season while their case is being litigated.  According to Florio:

Bottom line?  The Williams Wall will stand tall to start the 2009
campaign, and there’s a good chance that their status won’t be finally
resolved until after the coming season ends.

(1) I don’t understand how this case has continued to linger for as long as it has.  (2) If there is any possibility of these guys being suspended in 2009, why wouldn’t the Vikings just take the hit in September?  The Vikes open with the Browns, Lions, Niners and Packers.  They end with a brutal stretch: Bears, Cardinals, Bengals, Panthers, Bears, Giants.

Addendum.  The NFL responds:

“Today’s decision, which effectively exempts two players from the
NFL-NFLPA collectively bargained program, further illustrates the
critical importance of a uniform policy for all teams in the league and
why this matter should be governed exclusively by federal law,” the
statement reads.  “The Court’s interim decision regarding the
suspensions has no immediate practical impact since the suspensions
will not take effect until the beginning of the regular season in
September.  In the meantime, our appeal to the United States Court of
Appeals, which argues that the players’ state claims are barred by the
Collective Bargaining Agreement, should be resolved before the start of
the season.”