A Limerick for the Pass Rush
I have nothing to write about today. But other people wrote stuff. So I’m sharing that stuff with you.
The following the first of many pieces in a new conversation series, Three Questions with a Bears Fan. There was no other choice to kick this off other than Reverend Dave. If you don’t know who he is, go back and listen to the dozens upon dozens of “sermons” and “Reverend’s Rants” he provided over the years. He’s a jerk. But he’s our jerk.
DBB: You are a Bears fan. You are also my friend. If you were offered the Bears winning the 2021 Super Bowl in exchange for my developing a non-terminal illness like scabies, would you make that deal?
Reverend Dave: You’re my friend, I would let you develop scabies in exchange for a few free Old Styles at the Goat. Scabies isn’t permanent. I would make that deal in a heartbeat. Hell, remember that moment of euphoria when Hester returned the opening kickoff in that Super Bowl? I would give you alopecia to relive that moment again, much less an actual Bears’ Super Bowl win that I’m old enough to remember.
(Later, an email.)
I just remembered! When I came back from Cameroon I had this nasty looking bug bite on my arm. My girlfriend at the time was convinced it was some terrible tropical disease and to show her it was nothing I rubbed it on her arm. Welp, I was wrong. It was ringworm. She was pissed.
Id say her getting ringworm was worth the laugh I still get from that story. So there is little non-lethal I wouldn’t subject you to for a Super Bowl win.
DBB: You have a child now. Did having a child make you like the Bears less? You know, because of “perspective”?
Reverend Dave: Nope. I don’t get the whole having a child changes your whole perspective on life thing. I love my daughter, she’s awesome, doesn’t mean I suddenly like cheap domestic beer or Bears football any less. There’s a much greater chance me liking my daughter less in the future. I mean, I can’t like the Bears less than the Jimmy Clausen game, but my daughter is just starting a lifetime of opportunities to do things to make me like her less.
I was taught to never bury the lede, so I won’t.
Last Monday, after months of communication with some good folks, I was presented with a serious, generous offer for DaBearsBlog. The deal would have added five figures to my checking account balance, while moving ownership of this entire platform to people not me (and Noah) for the very first time. They wanted to keep me involved and pay me for that involvement. They wanted my voice to remain with the site and Twitter feed. But neither would be mine any longer.
On Friday I respectfully turned that offer down.
Years ago I took a temp gig at the Corcoran Group real estate office on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. After being there a few months, and not being particularly good at the gig, Barbara Corcoran (before becoming a television star) called me into the office. “Jeff,” she implausibly said, “Would you be interested in taking over as office manager here?”
“Are you serious?” I asked. A lot of people say something like that out of a sense of jubilation or faux humility. I legitimately thought she was joking. Two days earlier, after a way-too-late night at the Dublin House on 79th Street, I’d fallen asleep twice at my desk. When I got called into the office, I thought she was canning me.
“Yes,” she said, laughing. “The job is all about making the brokers happy and the brokers all tell me they love you.”
This was true. The brokers did love me because I went drinking with the brokers almost every night. I slept on a few of their couches and in one of their beds. I’m good at drinking with people.
The Office Manager gig paid $65,000 a year with full benefits. At that time I was living paycheck to paycheck and the paychecks were small. I told Barbara I would let her know the next day and she was cool with that.
That night I went to one of my favorite bars, Druids in Hell’s Kitchen. I wanted to think about it over my favorite pint of Guinness in the city. I ran into my buddy Geoff Cohen, with whom I’d worked closely on the team that started the now-defunct New York Musical Theatre Festival. The festival was getting ready to launch a week and a half later.
“The festival is fucked,” he told me. “Two of our house managers on 45th Street quit.” I had been in the room when the festival was conceived, in the room when the shows were selected, in the room when these spaces were chosen. I felt I owned a small part of the thing.
The next morning I told Barbara I was going to house manager for NYMF and get paid $2,000 for the month. No benefits. No long-term prospects.
She looked at me and said, “I knew I liked you for a reason.”
The decision to spend those 32 days living in NYMF theatres led to every serious connection I’ve made in the theatre. It wasn’t financially prudent. It wasn’t safe. But it was true to me. It was, for lack of a better word, right.
This is not the first time someone has tried to acquire DaBearsBlog.
The Athletic wanted us in their early stages. Those inane conversations included one of their editors telling me, “You can be DaBearsBlog but you can’t call it DaBearsBlog.” I’m still not sure what that meant. Was it metaphysical?
The Sun-Times inquired. We famously made our ChicagoNow mistake. Almost every single large-scale blog network has reached out at one time or another, but none of those relationships made any sense to me. There were two earlier purchase attempts but neither, quite frankly, was as impressive as this one. I never considered them seriously. I did in this case.
Everybody has written their “here’s what we need to hear from Pace and Nagy” column in the lead-up to today’s media session. I’ll spare you mine.
Here’s the truth: we’re not going to hear anything. This is the tightest ship at Halas Hall since I started doing this in 2005. The leadership – for the most part – does not leak. And more to the point, they do not give away their personnel strategies. So don’t expect them to discuss their quarterback room or available tight ends. Don’t expect them to reveal their self-evaluations along the offensive line.
Expect optimism. There are reasons for it.
Expect cliches and platitudes. This is American sports, after all.
Expect lies. And lots of them.
Expecting more is a mistake.
Here’s what I know.
The Chicago Bears are currently fixated on trying to improve the quarterback position for 2020. But like any other position, the ability to achieve that improvement is dependent on availability. What players are on the trading block? What is the upside at the position in the second round (and later) of the draft? How much will the veteran free agent options cost? It’s all well and good to WANT to get better. But the opportunities still have to be there.
In recent days, a name has started to emerge: Derek Carr. From The Athletic’s Vic Tafur:
…$2.9 million of Carr’s $18.9 million 2020 base salary became guaranteed on Feb 5. The remaining $16 million is not guaranteed, which is a large part of the reason why there has been so much speculation about Carr’s future.
Here are my thoughts on the potential deal.
“The Quarterback Questions”
Do we trust in Mitch?
Is that even possible?
How much will Carr cost?
“A Healthy Rush”
If ninety-six plays,
The pass rush will regain health.
Just add one more piece.
“Pace”
This year will brand Pace,
defining his Bears tenure.
The year has begun.
Sign Phil Rivers.
There, I said it.
Here’s why.
(1) Rivers is only one year removed from one of his best seasons as a professional. (4,308/32-12/105) Is it possible he can no longer perform at the professional level? Sure. It’s possible. But it’s unlikely. Hell, in his “terrible” 2019 he threw for more yards in a single season than any Bears quarterback ever has.
(2) Rivers’ career is lacking only one thing: a title. It could be the thing that keeps him out of Canton. Wouldn’t he be motivated to reach deep and find it for one run, especially for a team that wouldn’t require him to put 40 on the board to win games?
(3) This offense needs some personality. It needs some leadership. It needs some pissed off, especially since Kyle Long’s demise. Rivers never shuts up on the field. He’s a pain in the ass. He’s downright annoying. But what Bears fan wouldn’t deal with that annoyance for 4,000+ yards and 10 wins?
Sign Phil Rivers.
Take a shot.
Worst case scenario, Trubisky is back on the field by Week 6.
