Nobody is playing.
Final Practice Game of 2024 Open Thread
Nobody is playing.
All times ET. Home team in CAPS.
Sunday 3:00 PM – Chiefs at RAVENS (-3)
Those audible cheers
come from the Inner Harbor.
Roquan rejoices.
Sunday 6:30 PM – Lions at 49ERS (-6.5)
They call him “Deebo.”
But his real name is Tyshun.
The Niners need him.
2-2 last weekend, getting shut out on Sunday. This week I’m on the Ravens -3 and the 49ers -6.5. Why? I just think these were clearly the two best teams in the sport and have been destined to meet in Vegas.
All times ET. Home team in CAPS.
Saturday 4:30 PM – Texans at RAVENS (-9)
A battle wages
in the land of McNulty.
The game is the game.
Saturday 8:15 PM – Packers at NINERS (-9.5)
Cover your damn eyes.
Green Bay can beat ANYONE.
They will keep this close.
Sunday 3:00 PM – Bucs at LIONS (-6)
One city makes cars.
One city is all strip clubs.
Baker be dancin’.
Sunday 6:30 PM – Chiefs at BILLS (-3)
My head says Mahomes.
But my heart is in New York,
drenched in Elmo’s sauce.
Last week the picks were 2-4 but in fairness I picked the Steelers expecting them to cover in a blizzard. This week I’m on Baltimore -9, Packers +9.5, Bucs +6, Bills -3.
All times are ET. Home team in CAPS.
Saturday 4:30 PM – HOUSTON v. Cleveland (-2.5)
His name is Flacco.
No, not the Manhattan owl.
But still the man soars.
Saturday 8:00 PM – KANSAS CITY (-4.5) v. Miami
It will be frigid,
projected at six below.
Too bleak for Flipper.
Sunday 1:00 PM – BUFFALO (-10) v. Pittsburgh
It’s the Bar Bill wings,
versus Primanti Brothers.
Dip this win in blue.
Sunday 4:30 PM – DALLAS (-7.5) v. Green Bay
America’s team.
A nation’s eyes upon them.
Will they hold up? Yes.
Sunday 8:15 PM – DETROIT (-3) v. Los Angeles
Jared was a Ram.
And Matthew was a Lion.
The latter moves on.
Monday 8:00 PM – TAMPA BAY v. Philadelphia (-3)
The home team is bad,
and the road team might be worse.
Someone has to win.
The Picks: Cleveland -2.5, Kansas City -4.5, Pittsburgh +10, Dallas -7.5, Los Angeles +3.5, Philly -3 (but I won’t be betting the last one).
Jeff and I are LIVE talking #Bears-Chiefs — come join the conversation!https://t.co/9zbYktsjgE
— Robert Schmitz (@robertkschmitz) September 24, 2023
Robert Altman’s Kansas City (1996)
Why Do I Like the Chicago Bears this Week?
I.
Always.
Like.
THE.
Chicago.
Bears.
Here are my three easy ways to make Sunday’s game a more palatable experience for you, the Bears fan.
(1) If you drink, start drinking at kickoff of the early games. You don’t have to go crazy, but you don’t want to be angrily staring at the television screen as Fields stands endlessly in the pocket, failing to notice both his wide-open receivers and Chris Jones sprinting at him. I recommend 2-3 drinks during the early window, with an option for rapid acceleration as Bears/Chiefs gets out of hand.
(2) Parlay the Chiefs ML with whatever bet you like for Sunday Night Football. You’re not getting anything when the Chiefs win the game, but if you parlay them with either the Steelers OR the Raiders on Sunday night, you’re suddenly in the +odds. If the Bears win, you’re happy! When the Bears don’t win, you’ll have a chance to win a few quid come the evening hours.
(3) Disassociate yourself emotionally. I know this is easier said than done but give it a try. I have personally not invested one ounce of emotion into either of the first two contests this season and I’m the better for it. This is not a good football team. They are poorly coached. They are poorly quarterbacked. And neither of those things is going to radically improve in the coming months. The ceiling for this season is “eh” so why invest more than that?
